No Joke: An overview.

A German, a Dane and an American all go ice fishing in Canada...

No really, it happened. Johannes (the German), Julie (the Dane) and I (the American) went ice fishing here in February. That was when it was still winter (Turns out I came to Canada during the warmest winter in 63 years, but that's another story). I was impressed with the little community that popped up on the ice. The locals could not wait to show us their pimped out ice huts. Seriously, Andre from Ottawa could not wait to show is the "Bear Den" where he'd rigged a small solar panel outside so he could listen to the radio while he waited for the fish to bite on his rifle-shaped tipups. People would clear the snow off the ice near their huts to create make-shift hockey rinks. They'd bring the kids and they would play hockey all day, or drag sleds around and rough house like children do. The children at our neighbor's hut took turns checking the bait and clearing the ice from the fishing holes between rounds of dangerous-looking wrestling on ice.

There was a singing Billy Bass in our rented hut, to which Johannes and Julie had not yet been introduced. When I pushed the button and the thing started singing "Don't Worry, Be Happy," I though Johannes and Julie would fall over laughing. My favorite was the Billy Bass vesion of "Take Me to the River." Periodically through out the day, someone would press the button and we'd all sing along with Billy. It was such a good time we tried to go again, but the ice melted too quickly.

We did catch two fish, a northern pike and a yellow perch. We froze them on the ice, which is conveniently available everywhere outside the ice hut, and brought them home with us on the bus. We later had one of he best home cooked meals I've had since I've been in Canada. Yesterday, I read a story that made reference to the northern pike Y bone, and I totally understand that reference now.
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What did the Canadian say to the American after the Gold Medal Hockey game?

"That was a good game, eh?"

So far, no one has gloated over the Canadian Gold Medal victory. Wayne and I did go to Patty's Pub to watch the game and we were the only two Americans in the room. From time to time, we were the only two clapping, especially during the last 24 seconds of the game. But no one harassed us...not even when we ducked out heads and hurried out the door in the end. No one held it over my head later, either...not even when I suggested the US "won" the Olympics by having the most medals. Even after that obnoxious statement, not one Canadian pointed out that they, in fact, had the most Gold medals. I kind of like that. They let the game do the talking and don't need to run their mouths.

It was also fun watching the game in a Canadian environment. Periodically chants of "Let's go Canada" would break out, with the entire bar joining in. Everyone was giving the game their full attention. Surprisingly, when the US scored to send the game into OT in the last 24 seconds, the crowd was disappointed and perhaps worried, but not hostile.
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What is the optimal temperature for wearing shorts?

Okay, that IS a joke. I saw someone running in tiny running shorts the other morning, and I know it was only 34 degrees (Fahrenheit...I've given up on centigrade) when I left the house. It is NOT WARM ENOUGH for shorts, not matter how sunny it is! We've had a few days with highs in the upper 40s since then, and I have seen even more shorts. It is still NOT WARM ENOUGH for shorts.
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"I just can't stand the summers in Ottawa!"....???????

What? This is also clearly a joke, yet the Canadian's take it seriously. I'm willing to concede that when it comes to winter, these folks have me beat. Despite being an unusually mild winter, it was still pretty darn cold. I'll admit, I can't handle it the way they can.

But summer? Come on! We Texans can beat you Canadians any day. Funny thing is, they don't seem willing to concede. The hottest average month in Ottawa is July, and the average high in July is 80 degrees. (80 f'ing degrees!!!!). Seriously! And when I talk to Ottawans about their summers, everyone assures me how miserable it gets. My roomie mentioned that it can be unbearable for "a couple of weeks" in the summer. Oh, in 2005 the all time record high of 103 degrees occurred. Sure, that's hot, but it's also an anomaly. In Austin last year we had 67 days where the temperature was 100 degrees or warmer. 67 DAYS. That is more than 2 ENTIRE MONTHS. Our hottest month is usually August, with an average high of 96. Compared to your puny 80! And you want us to feel sorry for your "hot" summers? The average high in Austin for May, June, July, August, September AND October is above 80 degrees. I recall a few years ago that our last 100 degree day was in October and the first 100 degree day occurred the next hear in April. For those who are counting, that is 6 months between 100 degree days. 6 MONTHS!

What seems weird, is that I can't get these Canadians to give an inch on how "miserable" the summer is. I give you winter. You win. But you can't let me win for summer? These Canadians seem so congenial otherwise. Maybe I should kidnap some Canadians and bring them to Austin for the summer.

The Hardest Thing

Last night I watched Canada dismantle Russia in Men's Hockey at Mike Place, the graduate student pub here on campus. It was a fun atmosphere. At one point, near the end of the second period, I was in line for a beer. There was a gentleman standing near the line wearing a Team Canada Hockey jersey. He looked visibly uncomfortable and was pacing back and forth as if he were trying to work up the nerve for something. I couldn't tell if he was trying to talk himself into or out of another beer.

With just a few minutes left to play in the second, I heard him mutter to himself (and perhaps the hockey gods), "This is the hardest thing I ever had to do." He quickly averted his eyes from the television. He might have even held his breath. Then he ducked his head and hurried quickly out the door.

I'll never know what it was that ripped this poor, tortured soul from his beloved team, but here's hoping it will always be the hardest thing he ever has to do.

It's a sad day in Canada

For the second time since I've been here, in a major tournament a Canadian hockey team has lost to an American hockey team on Canadian ice. A professor suggested today that the sluggish response of the class was a result of everyone mourning the loss. A classmate pointed out that at least one of us wasn't sad. All eyes shifted to the American in the room. I'd love to gloat, but it feels a little hollow considering how little I know about hockey compared to how much the Canadians know.

The first week I was here I was in the commons room watching a little TV. There were a couple of nice Canadians there watching the final of the World Junior Hockey Championships. This is an international tournament of under 19 hockey players...the Future of the NHL. The tournament takes place from December 26 to January 5 each year and it is a Canadian holiday tradition to watch. While I was watching the final almost everyone passing by in the hallway stopped in to see what the score was. Everyone knew about this game...except for me.

This year Canada was the heavy favorite and had already beaten the US team in earlier preliminary rounds. Other than that game, they blew everyone else out of the water. AND they were playing in Canada. The game was close, but I left early, before it had finished. The next day I stopped into a pub for some lunch. At some point the network on all of the televisions began a replay of the WJHC final game from the night before. There was an audible groan from almost every person in the bar and the bartender quickly changed the station on all the televisions. I knew from their reactions the US had pulled an upset...winning 6-5 in a dramatic shootout.

So last night, when the US defeated Canada in the Olympics on Canadian home ice I imagine there was a collective groan across the country. I wasn't watching.

I do appear to be good luck for American hockey, however. My presence in Canada must have created some cosmic hockey magic for the US. We'll see. This was only the preliminary rounds. The US and Canada may meet again before I leave.

Missing American Commercialism

So I watched the Super Bowl here in Canada. Great game! The Saints rock. If the Cowboys couldn't win it all, I'm glad they did. Drew Brees is probably my favorite quarterback in the NFL.

It didn't occur to me until two commercial breaks in that we don't get the same commercials here in Canada. I usually think the commercial hype is lame and most commercials are disappointing at best. But tonight I found myself missing them. Even the lame ones. We got a few, but no very many. I couldn't help but feel like I was missing out on some sort of pop culture experience.

Here we had commercials for Canadian Tire, Scotiabank and Rogers Cable. Oh, and just in case you were not aware, the Olympics are about to start...and they are in CANADA! No really, the Olympics are in Canada this year. REALLY!

I also learned the secret for adapting American products to the Canadian market. Just add hockey and stir. If I were Walmart, what would I do? Make a commercial centered around Walmart products that involves getting up early to take my little girl to hockey practice. Masterful! If I were Gatorade or Nike or some other sporting good company, what would I do? Well, if there is football in the American version, replace it with hockey. Want to show runners, put them in tights and a toque (Canadian for hat) and make them look cold. If you can show their breath, all the better. People playing soccer? Go out of your way to show that it is happening indoors. No one plays soccer outside here, in the cold. Is there any way to integrate ice skating other than hockey? If so, add it.

So I missed all of the ridiculous American commercials. If there were any you really liked, please share them in the comments. I need your help.

Oh, and did you know the Olympics are coming to Canada very soon?

Canadian restroom graffiti:

Imagine a square sticker with a cute fluffy sheep on it. The stickers says "Don't be a Woolly Bully. Never wear wool. PETA." In marker an arrow above the sticker points to: "So I should wear cotton grown with pesticides?" Below that it says, "Organic cotton takes 3x the land space."

I love Canadians!

PS It still doesn't beat "Never buy drugs from a dealer who drives a Kia!" Now that's practical advice anyone can use.

A Revelation: Canadian Politics Are Interesting!

I'll be the first to admit, as an American we have a very Amerocentric view of the world. I've always known this, but it is so much easier to see now that I'm living across the border to the north. There is so much similar between the US and Canada that it's difficult sometimes to remember that I'm in a different country, especially when I see streets dotted with Wal-Marts, Home Depots and McDonalds among others. When it comes to politics, however, it's a completely different world. I don't know anything about Canadian politics. I hardly knew that Stephen Harper was the Prime Minister and I didn't really know much about the structure of the government. I'm still in the process of learning, but the learning is interesting.

I will say that the Canadians know so much more about American politics than I'd guess many Americans know. One of my classmates already proposed the idea that John Edwards may have had more ability to create a stronger shift left in the US Democratic party than Obama or Clinton because they both had to make concessions to reassure people as a result of their respective minority statuses. The first thing I thought was, "You know who John Edwards is?!" Canadians not only know who are elected leaders are, they know who was the third place finisher in the US Democratic Primary! Crazy! This is just one example of a series of conversations I've had since I've been here.

Today I went to an anti-prorogation rally on Parliament Hill. "Just what the 'bleep' is prorogation and why would anyone be against it?", you might ask. Well, besides being somewhat difficult to pronounce, it is a very controversial political move. In this case, Prime Minister Stephen Harper has decided to suspend Parliament from now until March, meaning they get a couple months off work. As a result all bills pending in Parliament, 37 if I recall correctly, are expunged and will have to start over from the beginning when work resumes in March. This is the second time Harper has suspended Parliament, the last time being December 2008. At that time he was facing the possibility of a no-confidence vote from Parliament. This time he was facing questions about Canada's role in the ultimate torture of Afghan detainees. The stated reason for the suspension is that the government needs time to come up with the next phase of the economic action plan.

One reason this is so controversial is that the Prime Minister is not directly elected by the people. He is chosen by the party with the majority members in the House of Commons, which is one of two branches of Parliament. The House of Commons is popularly elected. By suspending Parliament, the not-popularly-elected Prime Minister gets to stop all work being done by the popularly elected portion of the federal government. Tricky, huh? Can you see why there was a rally against it now?

I probably got some of that wrong. I'm still learning, but it's pretty interesting. If you are still with me at this point, you probably think so, too. That, or there is nothing better to do.

Well, that's my Canadian civics lesson for the evening. I don't yet have an entire grasp on their health care, but I'll let you know.

Cold is a relative term.

People in my classes like to ask me how I'm adjusting to the weather. When I respond that I've discovered I kind of like walking around campus outside instead of the tunnels, they are all quick to interject, "It's not that cold yet." It always seems like there is a hint of joy in striking fear into the heart of unsuspecting visitors. I imaging it's a little like asking visitors to Austin how they like the weather in the middle of the summer. I can't say I haven't felt a twinge of satisfaction in saying, "Oh, this isn't hot," when someone complains of a 95 F degree day (practice with me, that's 35 C).

That being said, with the right layers and accessories the cold is not so bad. I took an hour long walk outside today in the park across from campus and I never really felt cold. The temperature was about -10 c (15 F). Thanks to the neck warmer I found at the used clothing store, I can even keep my nose warm. I kind of like breathing the air outside. It's invigorating. I've posted some of the pictures I have taken over on Facebook if you want to see more.

Classes are good so far. I had to reassure a classmate that it was okay to criticize the US in front of me, because it's possible I might agree with what she has to say. I've got lots of reading that I can find plenty of ways to avoid. I have also rediscovered the regular nap. How is the world did I work 5 days a week for all those years without a regular nap?