No Joke: An overview.

A German, a Dane and an American all go ice fishing in Canada...

No really, it happened. Johannes (the German), Julie (the Dane) and I (the American) went ice fishing here in February. That was when it was still winter (Turns out I came to Canada during the warmest winter in 63 years, but that's another story). I was impressed with the little community that popped up on the ice. The locals could not wait to show us their pimped out ice huts. Seriously, Andre from Ottawa could not wait to show is the "Bear Den" where he'd rigged a small solar panel outside so he could listen to the radio while he waited for the fish to bite on his rifle-shaped tipups. People would clear the snow off the ice near their huts to create make-shift hockey rinks. They'd bring the kids and they would play hockey all day, or drag sleds around and rough house like children do. The children at our neighbor's hut took turns checking the bait and clearing the ice from the fishing holes between rounds of dangerous-looking wrestling on ice.

There was a singing Billy Bass in our rented hut, to which Johannes and Julie had not yet been introduced. When I pushed the button and the thing started singing "Don't Worry, Be Happy," I though Johannes and Julie would fall over laughing. My favorite was the Billy Bass vesion of "Take Me to the River." Periodically through out the day, someone would press the button and we'd all sing along with Billy. It was such a good time we tried to go again, but the ice melted too quickly.

We did catch two fish, a northern pike and a yellow perch. We froze them on the ice, which is conveniently available everywhere outside the ice hut, and brought them home with us on the bus. We later had one of he best home cooked meals I've had since I've been in Canada. Yesterday, I read a story that made reference to the northern pike Y bone, and I totally understand that reference now.
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What did the Canadian say to the American after the Gold Medal Hockey game?

"That was a good game, eh?"

So far, no one has gloated over the Canadian Gold Medal victory. Wayne and I did go to Patty's Pub to watch the game and we were the only two Americans in the room. From time to time, we were the only two clapping, especially during the last 24 seconds of the game. But no one harassed us...not even when we ducked out heads and hurried out the door in the end. No one held it over my head later, either...not even when I suggested the US "won" the Olympics by having the most medals. Even after that obnoxious statement, not one Canadian pointed out that they, in fact, had the most Gold medals. I kind of like that. They let the game do the talking and don't need to run their mouths.

It was also fun watching the game in a Canadian environment. Periodically chants of "Let's go Canada" would break out, with the entire bar joining in. Everyone was giving the game their full attention. Surprisingly, when the US scored to send the game into OT in the last 24 seconds, the crowd was disappointed and perhaps worried, but not hostile.
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What is the optimal temperature for wearing shorts?

Okay, that IS a joke. I saw someone running in tiny running shorts the other morning, and I know it was only 34 degrees (Fahrenheit...I've given up on centigrade) when I left the house. It is NOT WARM ENOUGH for shorts, not matter how sunny it is! We've had a few days with highs in the upper 40s since then, and I have seen even more shorts. It is still NOT WARM ENOUGH for shorts.
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"I just can't stand the summers in Ottawa!"....???????

What? This is also clearly a joke, yet the Canadian's take it seriously. I'm willing to concede that when it comes to winter, these folks have me beat. Despite being an unusually mild winter, it was still pretty darn cold. I'll admit, I can't handle it the way they can.

But summer? Come on! We Texans can beat you Canadians any day. Funny thing is, they don't seem willing to concede. The hottest average month in Ottawa is July, and the average high in July is 80 degrees. (80 f'ing degrees!!!!). Seriously! And when I talk to Ottawans about their summers, everyone assures me how miserable it gets. My roomie mentioned that it can be unbearable for "a couple of weeks" in the summer. Oh, in 2005 the all time record high of 103 degrees occurred. Sure, that's hot, but it's also an anomaly. In Austin last year we had 67 days where the temperature was 100 degrees or warmer. 67 DAYS. That is more than 2 ENTIRE MONTHS. Our hottest month is usually August, with an average high of 96. Compared to your puny 80! And you want us to feel sorry for your "hot" summers? The average high in Austin for May, June, July, August, September AND October is above 80 degrees. I recall a few years ago that our last 100 degree day was in October and the first 100 degree day occurred the next hear in April. For those who are counting, that is 6 months between 100 degree days. 6 MONTHS!

What seems weird, is that I can't get these Canadians to give an inch on how "miserable" the summer is. I give you winter. You win. But you can't let me win for summer? These Canadians seem so congenial otherwise. Maybe I should kidnap some Canadians and bring them to Austin for the summer.